Thankful Not To Be President

First, let me get this out of the way ... this entry most emphatically IS NOT about the 2012 election. Tuesday's events did not inspire me to take keyboard in hand and rant about the Democrats maintaining their firm grip on the universe or about how I can't wait to pay even more tax than I already do or how I would like to go back to about 1957 when TV was black and white and rock and roll was just getting started and cars were huge and heavy and made in America and you could smoke if you wanted to (I don't) and kids could take pocket knives to school and jack around in the woods when they got home instead of having 27 different structured activities organized by neurotic trying-to-keep-up-with-the-Joneses parents and college students didn't wear pajamas to class and, perhaps most importantly, cell phones hadn't been invented. Election inspiration? Nah. I'm perfectly content to rant about those things every day. My only real thought about the election is how completely stupid I was to not buy puts on banks, hospitals, and defense stocks on Monday. Their performance on The Day After may well be the best reason I've ever seen to doubt the existence of a truly efficient market.

No, this entry is not about the election. This entry is about why I am thankful not to be President. The logic behind my reasoning would apply to most all elected officials, but it particularly applies to the office of President. Actually there are dozens of reasons why I would not want to be President. Among the most obvious would be the fact that the President is constantly having to make speeches, has to pretend to be interested in people that he really could not possibly care any less about, has to wear business professional Every Single Day, and never gets to sleep in. I guess I am just not power-hungry enough, because I seriously cannot imagine a worse job.

But really, the worst part isn't even any of those reasons (although the never getting to sleep in bit would be tough). The worst part has to be getting up and going to work every morning knowing with absolute certainty that roughly half of the people you work for don't like you at all. The degree of dislike ranges from moderate to sheer hatred, of course, but think about it. First, a pretty good chunk of the people who DID vote for you only did so because (a) their heads would explode if they voted for anyone in the "other party" (my 90+ year-old grandmother, who is very bright, very Baptist, and very conservative voted for Carter, Mondale, Clinton, Gore, and probably Obama ... all because FDR was a Democrat) or (b) they were completely repulsed by the other candidate (i.e., you were the least horrible alternative). Beyond that, a vast majority of the people who DIDN'T vote for you chose to vote against you even though the guy you were running against has no soul ... meaning that you have even LESS of a soul (if less than zero is possible in Soul Math). I'm not pointing fingers at anyone in particular here -- neither Mr. Obama nor Mr. Romney. They're both bright and clever and I'm sure they're nice enough guys. But the bottom line is that if you have schmoozed and sucked up and sold out enough that you are actually able to be the Presidential nominee for one of the two major political parties, I wouldn't invite you to a backyard barbecue. Perhaps my lack of admiration for those with political aspirations is unusual. But I don't think it is.

Back to the topic of the day, though ... think about your job. What if half of the people in your office either outright hated you, thought you were a complete moron, or (at best) really wished that someone who was a lot better would be hired in your place? I'm not sure I could take that. Although my job doesn't require being "liked," the whole educational process works a lot more smoothly if I am. I like college students a lot, relate to them well, and tend to be involved in what is going on in their lives. When they see that I am engaged and am interested in them as people, it makes them MUCH more invested in the class (which obviously bumps up their performance). Are there students who don't like me? Sure, for one reason or another. But a sizable majority of them do ... which makes going to the office pretty fun. I can't imagine walking into a classroom where I knew that half of the people wished I would get hit by a bus and a good portion of the other 50% were thinking "he's OK, but I'd drop this section like a hot rock if another one would open up."

So at the end of the day, I guess that a small part of me has to give at least some credit to people who run for President. It's a very small part (maybe like 3.71%) because the rest of me knows that it's all driven by ego, but still ... these guys are able to function with a 50% approval rating. And I'm not sure I have that in me.

Would I really go back to 1957? In a heartbeat. Was Eisenhower perfect? No, but the black and white TV and no cell phones and kids being kids things would be truly fabulous, and I'd love to have a '57 Stratocaster to play through my '57 Deluxe (pictured above ... it's the same model that Neil Young has used forever). New Strats were about $250 in 1957. Those same guitars sell for around $30,000 now, when you can find them in good shape. If I'd just had the sense to load up on Bank of America puts on Monday, I'd be golden ...

Peace,
Mike

ALT/COLLEGE (aka AWFUL) Radio

Duke Ellington is reputed to have said, "there is no such thing as bad music; just music presented badly." I both agree and disagree with this statement. I emphatically disagree with the phrase regarding the impossibility of "bad music." To me, this is one of those inane comments that people who have no idea what they're talking about (sorry, Duke) frequently toss around ... things like:

1) There are no bad kids, just bad parents.
2) There is no such thing as a stupid question.
3) You can be anything you want to be.

While statements such as these presumably are made with the best intentions, they are flat-out wrong. I have known any number of good / decent parents who happen to have annoying kids. Furthermore, although I love and am endlessly devoted to my students, across my professorial career I have heard more than a few stupid questions. And seriously ... anyone who truly believes that a person can be anything he (or she) wants to be either (a) is completely delusional; (b) has never left his (or her) office in the Education department; or (c) both a and b. Thus, in the spirit of continuing to shoot down platitudes, I reject the first part of Mr. Ellington's phrase. I also happen to think that The Duke would've retracted his statement -- or at least altered it significantly -- if he'd had the pleasure of experiencing "Texas Country." But that's another thread altogether.

This brings us to the second half of the statement ... "just music presented badly." And this idea really is the basis for my post today. In a nutshell, what is it with Alt/College Radio?

Back when Ronald Reagan was president and I was in college and America was still The Land of the Free and The Home of the Brave and all that, Alt/College Radio featured bands like Echo and the Bunnymen, The Smiths, the Violent Femmes, early R.E.M., Camper Van Beethoven, Siouxie and the Banshees, the Psychedelic Furs, and the Replacements. The common thread? All of these bands had at least some prayer that their stuff EVER would become popular among an audience of more than three people. In other words, these are bands that were "good" but that couldn't get traction among the mainstream radio stations that were busy catering to people who listened to Cyndi Lauper, Huey Lewis and the News, Survivor, Men at Work, and John Cougar Mellencamp.

Basically, Alt/College Radio used to be sort of like AAA baseball, where the game is played for fans who really love the sport but who don't want to watch replays on the Jumbotron, eat $7 hot dogs, and spend a week's pay for a seat in the right field bleachers. We used to go to AAA games in Tucson all the time. The quality was fabulous, but there was always the potential for crazy stuff. And it was more satisfying, as a spectator, than Major League Baseball. That is where Alt/College Radio used to live. In contrast, the typical Alt/College Radio model for 2012 seems to be as follows: a college student majoring in something that will render him permanently unemployable and who knows zero about baseball goes out and picks up some skater boys and maybe a girl or two who thinks that her notion that life isn't fair is original (and somehow embraceable) and a few random guys who know people who have accordions and bongos and "World instruments" that they can borrow ... and brings them all together and gives them gloves and bats and uniforms and proudly plays video of their intra-squad practice games for all the world to see.

Seriously. Is there no middle ground? Absent satellite radio, is our only choice listening to models and Disney princesses (and their boy equivalents) sing through a computer or listening to people that will never in a billion years sell a record to anyone outside of their immediate family? Maybe I am overstating it. Maybe in real college towns there do actually exist REAL Alt/College Radio stations. My College Station experience most emphatically WOULD NOT support that idea, but maybe places like Athens, GA or Oxford, MS or even Lexington, KY (home of my alma mater) still have their heads on straight. My only experience here in San Antonio involves a local station that rivals Jack in the Box in terms of both quality and (lack of) focus. On my way home from the office this afternoon, the lineup featured a woman trying to sound like somebody who is aspiring to be half as good as Ruthie Foster, some guy who seems to be hoping to be confused with Tom Waits (sorry, there is only room for one person in that space), and a guy who is the lead vocalist / accordionist for his 7th or 8th ill-fated World/Southern Rock crossover band. They even had Contestant #3 in the studio for the afternoon, explaining how he always knew that he was born to be a songwriter (I am not making that up) despite the fact that he has been doing this for many years and is just now getting his first CD printed and is grateful that the people he is opening for here in town (which nobody has heard of either) are letting him try to sell some stuff before their shows.

Really? This is the best we can do?

Don't get me wrong. I have nothing whatsoever against these people pursuing their musical dreams. I just think it's a travesty that they get airtime when truly fabulously talented people like Alex and Janel, Kelly Joe Phelps, Stephane Wrembel, Ben Sollee (the list goes on and on and on ...) are getting nowhere near as far as they would if I were King. Obviously I realize that everything and everybody has to pass a market test. I just wish that the venue through which these endeavors traditionally have been BROUGHT TO MARKET (i.e., Alt/College Radio) would get back to doing just that. That model, to me, is far better than taking pride in playing bad music AND -- by choosing to feature music that does not remotely deserve to be featured -- presenting Music (with an intentional capital M) badly.

Whatever the case, I heartily encourage you to support the artists you enjoy. I'm not going to come right out and say that you should be flogged publicly if you steal music, but that's pretty much where I'm coming from. If you really like a particular band, don't "share" a flash drive or rip a CD ... pony up and GIFT their music to somebody. I've done this dozens of times with iTunes over the years and I'm sure it's just as easy through other outlets. However you do it, do it. After all, you don't do your tax / audit / consulting / whatever work for free do you? I didn't think so ...

Here's to good music, played well.
mw