The Texas Times, Volume 21

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way – in short, the period was so far like the present period, that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on its being received, for good or for evil, in the superlative degree of comparison only.

Why start the 21st edition of the Texas Times with Dickens? To remind us all of the fact that we are not special? That every generation has the (false) conviction that the problems it has to deal with are Oh My Gosh So Different And So Much Harder than the last? That the human condition is completely invariant to time, space, and culture? Maybe. But mainly I just hate writing introductions. Not as much as I hate writing conclusions, mind you (just ask my co-authors), but still ...

Thus begins the year in review.

Hollis – Hollis, who is now in sixth grade, spent most of the year singing. As a member of the Children’s Chorus of San Antonio, he practices about 10,000 hours a week during peak season. He also was selected to be one of four kid leads in Opera San Antonio’s production of The Fantastic Mr. Fox back in September. The opera experience was intense, but he really enjoyed it. As for the Chorus, I think we may be done with it. Not entirely positive yet, but the time commitment has gotten too great and we would sort of like for him to just be a kid for a while. I dunno. We'll see. Hollis also does piano, band (percussion), Minecraft, and Clash of Clans (not necessarily or even often in that order). He's pretty into school, which is a good thing, and finally has transitioned from Spanish Immersion (all Spanish, all the time) to Spanish Immersion Light (only Reading and Social Studies are in Spanish), which is an even better thing. Health-wise, things continue to be great. We feel incredibly blessed in that regard and appreciate your continued prayers.

Hadley – Hadley is a junior at Alamo Heights High School. She plays soccer, watches Netflix, and walks in an artistic manner across the tops of sand dunes. Her high school team was undefeated last year (her club team most emphatically was not) and was ranked in the top 15 in the nation (ditto) before losing to a team they shouldn’t have lost to (because it’s soccer) in the state tournament. It will be interesting to see how things go this season, as three key players graduated. She’ll begin serving her two-month sentence of SAT prep in January, which will also coincide with the beginning of soccer season. While those activities undoubtedly will seriously compromise her progress in both Criminal Minds and Grey’s Anatomy, I imagine she will manage a full recovery during Spring Break. She continues to be a good kid who likes us and stays out of trouble (knock on wood). Five semesters down, three to go …

Hunter – Hunter graduated from high school in May and managed to survive his first semester at Trinity. Apart from being in Chamber Singers, periodically hosting a late-night Indie show as part of his university radio station internship (of course he absolutely hates Indie music), and prowling around campus with a tripod like a complete dork (Digital Photography class), we’re not real sure what he did with his time … but he enjoyed himself. He's totally stoked about this spring’s two-course Method and Meaning of Medieval Metalwork sequence (one studio / one lecture). No, I did not make those courses up and yes, this is a top-ranked liberal arts university. I suspect that everything else will go by the wayside, but if the zombie (or any other) apocalypse comes and you need some chain mail, he just might be your guy. Spoiler Alert: One of Hunter's Christmas gifts this year is a gen-yoo-wine Medieval morning star head that I picked up from an antiquities dealer in England. All he has to do is fashion a wooden shaft and he will be ready to do battle ... while playing accordion and riding a unicycle, obviously.

Reagan – Lord willing and the creeks don’t rise, Reagan will graduate from Trinity in May with a major in Religion and a minor in Creative Writing. In other words, absent some sort of serious intervention he would be joining the burgeoning ranks of college graduates who are highly educated and completely unemployable. The good news is that he has decided to apply to Trinity’s Master of Arts in Teaching program. The program has 100% placement (woo hoo!) and offers a variety of options. He’s currently thinking that he might want to teach in high school but that he might be open to elementary education as well. Stated differently, junior high is off the table. I get that. There is also a chance that he might do a one-year kinda-sorta apprenticeship type of high school advising program before starting grad school. I guess we’ll see how it all goes. We're happy, though, because he does seem super-interested in pursuing this path. In other words, he's not just going to grad school to postpone reality. He continues to be very involved with the InterVarsity Christian Fellowship and The Children's Shelter. He also won Trinity’s version of American Idol this fall, which we all thought was pretty solid. The video is here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bdUDUJ4q4kc 

Us – Paige and I celebrated 25 years of marriage on the 16^th of December.  Seems forever ago and also just like yesterday [doffs Hat of Triteness]. I could be really gushy and obnoxious and all, but instead I’ll just say that it has been both awesome and Providential, because clearly I've done nothing in my 47 years on this planet to "deserve" it. In other news, we've made a bit of headway with some important initiatives in the now-one-year-old School of Business here at Trinity. The jury is still out on whether the university is going to take Business seriously, but I would say that we are cautiously optimistic. OK, Paige is cautiously optimistic. I try not to think about it. But this year's Master's class is good and I'm having fun with them. That is worth a lot. We like San Antonio fine and the kids love it here. The city itself is far too big for me (truth be told, Mayberry would be too big for me), but 78209 is a bit of an oasis in the middle of it all. It certainly could be a lot worse.

Random Stuff

Best Joke –  Question: How are our San Antonio house and our old College Station house alike? Answer: They both have the same owners!!! No, our College Station house still hasn’t sold, nor has it been rented since Coach Sumlin moved out almost two years ago. Our realtors have done an incredible job of taking pictures of the house, posting the pictures on the Internet, and hoping that somebody who is interested randomly stumbles upon the listing and asks to schedule a showing (i.e., doing what all realtors do) but so far, the planets have not aligned in our favor. The mortgage will reach its 15-year terminus in 33 months, so the end of the bleeding is at least in sight. If it hasn’t sold by June, though, our three years are up and we lose the capital gains tax exemption. So … if for whatever reason you decide that you absolutely cannot stand the thought of not owning a six-bedroom house in Aggieland, I’ve got a deal for you: http://www.zillow.com/homedetails/4901-Firestone-Dr-College-Station-TX-77845/50332958_zpid/  If you can make it happen by Spring Break or so, we might take the family to England for the month of June. If you don't, we'll take them to San Antonio ("uggghhh ... again, Dad???"). This may be Reagan's last summer at home. As you ponder, think of him.

Best Legislation – San Antonio has decided to begin assessing fines of up to $200 for any driver seen holding a cell phone. I’ve been lobbying to expand that ordinance beyond the automobile and into all public (and private) places, but so far my proposal hasn’t gotten much traction. I've also suggested that if they are REALLY serious about prohibiting cell phone usage by drivers, they should simply require that everyone drive a manual transmission car. Again, crickets. And no, I still don't have a smart phone. I think that may be my last bastion of smugness. Everybody has something, right? Red-wine knowledge, marathons, organic produce, kid achievements, art house films, yoga, grammar (OK, maybe I have two bastions of smugness), recyclable grocery bags, greek yogurt. I just happen to revel in flip phone superiority. When I told one of Hadley's best friends about that last year, she said "Seriously???? How do you do email??" My response that I use a computer was met with stunned silence. 

Best Video – I have a new entry in my Top 10 Movies of All-Time list. It is called About Time. If you have kids (particularly young kids), you should watch it about once a week for the rest of your life. I am not even kidding. Even if you don’t have kids, the movie is highly recommended. Apart from that, this year’s series recommendations come entirely from the BBC – Lark Rise to Candleford (five seasons), Cranford (two seasons, sort of), and Monarchy (four seasons, sort of). The latter is a 16-part documentary tracing the English monarchy (duh) from the Dark Ages & Alfred the Great through the present time. The first 11 episodes are available streaming via Amazon Prime or Netflix, but if you don't want to be left hanging after the Stuarts and Cromwell -- and OMG who would???!! -- you'll have to buy the DVD set. On the off chance that you completely ignored me in 2012, I’ll also (re-) suggest that you check out Father Ted and One Foot in the Grave.

Best Audio – This year’s high points were Ghost, by Kate Rusby (for the uninitiated, Kate is my favorite artist of all time and space); Bass and Mandolin, by Chris Thile and Edgar Meyer; Times Go By Turns, by New York Polyphony; and Brother Sinner & The Whale, by Kelly Joe Phelps. I’ve also spent the past few months rather significantly immersed in Medieval and Renaissance music. In case you're wondering, no, that doesn’t make me any younger / sexier. Note: If you are into Chris Thile (how can you NOT be??), you will be pleased to hear that Punch Brothers have a new release scheduled for January.

Best Almost Gift – A week or so ago, I read where the Texas A&M University Regents were calling a special meeting to vote on renaming the Academic Building -- the 100 year-old centerpiece of the TAMU campus -- after Rick Perry. Dead serious. I told Paige at the time that I could not imagine receiving a better Christmas present. Unfortunately, Mr. Perry caved a day later (presumably as a result of some sort of potential public opinion backlash) and told the Regents that on second thought, he didn't want to have the building named after him. Despite the cruel head fake, I was very much encouraged to see that the university's leadership continues to be as visionary as ever.

In closing, I offer the following bit of wisdom, straight from the mouth (and brain) of Hunter. Sampras, our rabbit, hates the music of Ray Charles. This has been tested. If you have a pet rabbit, be careful with its playlists.

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, and Joyous Whatever Else!

God Bless,

Mike (twitter @reclusivecodger)

Paige (facebook)

and the gang

Thanks

Classes begin tomorrow at Trinity, and I just realized that this particular Opening Day will mark the onset of my 20th year as a professor. As such, I though it appropriate to send out a quick "thank you" to everyone who has contributed positively to my experience in that capacity. (And yes, if you got this link via email, I put you squarely in that box.)

Is everything about this gig great (or even good)? Of course not. There definitely are times when I'm not a lot of fun to be around. Every university is a politically charged bureaucracy and in many cases the best one can hope for is to be treated with an attitude of benign neglect. Never mind the fact that all universities, by definition, depend critically on professors to handle the business that needs to be handled (service, teaching, and research). And let's face it … the vast majority of professors would not be on one's short list of People I Would Like To Share a Table With At A Dinner Party.

What is very nearly always great about the job, though, is the interaction with students. Yes there is the inevitable whiner here and there, but in my career they have been extremely few and far between. I like most of my students and former students very much, and many of them (you) have become lifelong friends. Of course "liking" one's students isn't what it's all about, but there is no question that when students and faculty are on relatively good terms, the learning experience is far better than it otherwise would be. When students sense that faculty care about what is going on in their lives, they tend to try harder. By the same token, if faculty know that students aren't shooting daggers at them, they do a better job of holding up their end of the deal. It definitely is a two-way street.

So … again, thanks to all of you for giving peaks to my valleys.

Mike

P.S. … I've re-established my Twitter presence at https://twitter.com/reclusivecodger. And for the Trinity students and former students in the crowd, you may also be interested in following the School of Business at https://twitter.com/tu_business. I manage that account as well.

A Trip to White Sands

So ... this evening we drove down to White Sands National Monument, which is about 70 miles south of Ruidoso. Nothing to say about it, really, other than that it is miles and miles and miles and miles of white sand dunes and is always a good time. Here are some pics.

A Few Days in the High Country

As many of you know, we have taken some very cool extended summer vacations over the past decade or so -- South Dakota, Wyoming, Colorado, Washington, Montana, Alberta, British Columbia. For the past three summers, however, such endeavors have not been possible. In 2012 we were moving and dealing with Hollis' health problems, and 2013 and 2014 have been significantly tighter than usual thanks to our continued ownership of the Nightmare on Firestone Street. (Note: Click here to buy.) As such, we've transitioned from a month in the Rockies to a few days mooching off of relatives. Happily, we enjoy hanging out with ALL of our relatives. I understand that this is not necessarily a common occurrence ...

The current mooch-fest is taking place at Paige's mom and stepdad's place in the central New Mexico mountains (Ruidoso). Ruidoso sits at about 7,000 feet and is located in the middle of Lincoln National Forest. It's a tourist town with maybe 8,000 permanent residents. Peaks in the area range from 10,000 to  just shy of 12,000 feet. There is skiing in the winter and a couple hundred miles of typically vacant hiking trails (the best kind). I don't have much that is clever to say about any of this ... just wanted to provide a few pictures from this year's treks for the sake of posterity.

On Wednesday, Hunter and I went on an 8-mile journey that included a trip to the summit of Lookout Mountain. At 11,580 feet, it's the second-highest peak in central New Mexico. The second picture below shows Hunter pointing to the summit when we were about halfway there.

Trail to Lookout Mountain

Halfway to the Summit

Looking North from the Summit

Camera Timer? Check.

Hail the Conqueror

On Friday, Reagan and Hunter and I did a 6-mile loop in the Argentina Canyon area. The elevation gain wasn't as significant as on Wednesday's trip, but our lungs still got a good high country workout.

Hail the Flatlanders

Hail the Dorks

I suspect we'll head out again the day before we leave, but I'll go ahead and close here. We're stopping at Carlsbad Caverns on the way home. If anything super-interesting happens at that time, I'll just add the info after we get back to San Antonio.

Cheers,
Mike

On Changing the Game

Before I start, let me say that I have finally reached the point where I actually like soccer. I have spent more time watching soccer this year than I have spent watching any other sport. And not just Hadley's club and high school soccer ... I'm talking televised soccer. Granted, the only things that consistently inspire me to turn on the idiot box are British period pieces (Lark Rise to Candleford being the current favorite) and black-and-white programs from the 1950s and early 1960s ... but I do periodically make way for sport. You want examples? I didn't watch the Super Bowl, but I did watch one college bowl game and also managed to catch the last 10 minutes of Kentucky's loss to UConn in the NCAA basketball championship. Do I know the channel number for ESPN? Not remotely. But I also couldn't tell you where to find ABC, NBC, or CBS (assuming they all still exist). I do know that HGTV is Channel 67, but that's only because Paige periodically wants to reinforce her frustration about our house in College Station not selling and she literally could not turn on the television and select the right input and find a program if her life depended on it. The fact that knight-errantry in the 21st century consists almost solely of tasks such as these is deplorable ... but with no dragons to be slain, what is one to do?

At any rate, soccer is fine. And the World Cup definitely is intense. But in the spirit of the Betterment of Mankind (or at least the Betterment of Sport), I have decided to propose that the rules of the game be changed in three major areas.

1) Offside - I have complained about this rule since I was first introduced to the game. The source of my complaint historically has been twofold. First, until recently my daughter had always played forward; therefore, the offside rule is stupid. Second, the offside rule is stupid; therefore, the offside rule is stupid. I mean seriously, can you imagine a whistle being blown in a basketball game because a guy stole the ball and passed it ahead to a teammate on a fast break instead of waiting for the defense to catch up to him first? Or a flag being thrown in (American) football because the quarterback waited to throw to the end zone until his receiver had beaten the defensive back on his corner route? Think about it. Is there a rule in all of sports that is more Socialist? "Wait ... because you defensive players are too lazy or too slow to guard people properly, we'll just invent a rule that takes a goal away from the team that has more initiative." No wonder the U.S. is so terrible at soccer. The offside rule alone is against everything that has made this country great (insert audio of fife and drum corps playing "Yankee Doodle Dandy," ala Green Acres).

Despite this impassioned backdrop, in the past couple of years I have sort of come around to thinking that maybe the idea behind the offside rule isn't completely stupid. Those of you who have spent time around me at soccer fields may now pick yourselves up off the floor. Could it be that my primary rationale for thinking that the offside rule might NOT be so stupid is because my daughter played defense for the first time this past year? Maybe. But I've also come to realize that the integrity of the game might suffer a bit if teams decided to plant a couple of people deep in an effort to cherry pick. With that in mind, the compromise I offer is as follows (which I believe might even gain the support of a few purists):

In my Soccer Kingdom, if the ball is inside the 18-yard line the offside rule shall no longer apply.

2) Draws - This point has been discussed at length by many an armchair quarterback. The most tired (but no less accurate) metaphor probably is "kissing one's sister." Only in soccer can a team gain points by failing to prove that it is better than the competition. Again, the parallel to Socialism is striking. Paige made the point yesterday that sport, at some level, is intended as a substitute for war. Teams are drawn up. The battle ensues. Supporters cheer. Victors reign. Losers don't. Question: What is the only 21st century war to have resembled (charitably) a draw in soccer? Answer: Vietnam. And I'm pretty sure we weren't real happy with the outcome of that one. So ... what's the solution? A reasonable argument could be advanced for extra periods (as in the NHL playoffs) or even an immediate shootout. Both would be consistent with how the game operates in certain circumstances and both would be preferable to the current state of affairs. However, to make things a bit more interesting and in keeping with the battle analogy, I offer the following:

In my Soccer Kingdom, if the score is tied at the end of regulation, the captain of each team will identify the man he perceives to be the most feeble player on the other team. Both of these men will be given a cricket bat and blows will be traded until a clear loser emerges.

3) Drama - If you have not watched any of the 2014 World Cup, you need to ... purely for the opportunity to see grown men act like five year-olds. I could point to all manner of scenarios, ranging from post-goal celebrations to the absolute certainty that if one is breathed upon (or not), one has been fouled. But the scenario that I will emphasize here involves rolling around on the ground pretending to be hurt. Is this practice part of some ancient pagan soccer ritual (i.e., if one continually prostrates oneself before the gods, is one less likely to be tossed into the volcano)? Are these gentlemen simply stalling for time? Or are they attempting to accumulate points in pursuit of FIFA's coveted Pantywaist of the Year award? I don't know the answer. I do know, however, that the ratio of actual injuries to players down is statistically indistinguishable from zero. As such, it strikes me that a simple way to address this issue would be to treat a soccer match like a boxing match. Specifics?

In my Soccer Kingdom, if a player spends more than 10 seconds on the ground for any reason he must be removed for the remainder of the game.

I have a couple other solid ideas, including establishing a rule that would be similar to basketball's backcourt violation. But I don't want to play my full hand just yet. Perhaps FIFA will be looking for new leadership for the 2018 Cup ...

Cheers,
Mike

Rant #273

If I could erase a single invention in the entire history of mankind, it would not be nuclear weapons. It would not be taxes. It would not even be Autotune. It would be the cell phone.

I say this without even a whiff of hyperbole.

Ok ... so maybe I haven't had 273 public rants about cell phones. I've only blogged about it once, I believe (you may find that entry here). But I talk about it all the time and I'm sure my family gets tired of it. That being said, because you aren't my family you aren't hearing about it quite as often. So I now offer three recent examples of individuals who should be bound and gagged and forced to listen to unskilled but supremely confident banjo players for all eternity.

Example 1

Hollis is in the San Antonio Children's Chorus. They practice for 90 minutes every Tuesday evening. Last night when I went to pick him up, there were probably 15 parents sitting on benches in the hallway outside the practice room. Every. Single. Person. Was glued to his or her mobile device, tapping away or reading, presumably, about the Secrets of the Universe. The best part, though, is that while I was standing there, two other parents walked up to wait for their kids. Both of them (independently) sat down, looked to their left and right, saw what everybody else was doing, panicked, and pulled out their phones.

Are people really that terrified of just sitting and doing nothing for five minutes? Are they afraid it will look like they don't have any friends or aren't important or something? I honestly do not get it.

Example 2

Hunter has about ten billion (give or take seven) high school choir concerts during a given academic year. At one of these events in November, the junior choirs were to perform for the first half of the program and the senior choir was to perform for the second half of the program. The auditorium was packed, but usually with these things when there is an obvious break, there is a mass exodus of parents. After all, if your kid is in one of the junior choirs, you're probably not going to want to hang around for the last 45 minutes to watch the senior choir perform. I get that and am generally fine with it, although the more dignified approach obviously would be to sit there and be respectful and pretend to enjoy the rest of the show.

Anyway, right before the concert started, two parents (of different kids) sat down on my left. Both of them immediately pulled out their phones and quickly entered The Zone. I figured they were just waiting for the senior choir to perform, but both of them got up and left after the junior choirs were finished. Conclusion? Both of these people had kids in the junior choirs, but I don't think they looked up from their phones once while their kids were singing. They clapped obediently when other people clapped, but immediately went back to more important things. Were these people as annoying as the parents at the other end of the spectrum, who jump up and down and wave from the back of a dark auditorium when Johnny (or Sally) takes his (or her) place on the risers? Probably not. But it is close. And it is far less well-intentioned.

Example 3 

Catholics do Communion. It is my impression that they do it at every Mass. Baptists do something similar (generally referred to as The Lord's Supper) but they don't do it every week. At our church, we do it once a month. This past Sunday, we observed The Lord's Supper in the evening service. In between the body and the blood, the 30-something guy sitting in the row in front of me (but to my right, so that I could clearly see what was going on) pulled out his phone and started swiping through stuff.

Yes ... during The Lord's Supper.

And yes, once he did his grape juice shot, he continued browsing.

What on earth could be important enough to justify this behavior? If one is (a) Baptist and (b) observing The Lord's Supper in a Baptist church, one presumably knows that this is one of the relatively few times in which reverence is actually maintained in the modern church. This is supposed to be a time of serious reflection. Of taking stock. Not of checking Huffington Post and ESPN.com.

In Conclusion

I've said it before and I'll say it again ... if you haven't watched Idiocracy, you need to. It is crude and vulgar and profane and it was panned by critics, but its vision of the future of America -- an America where crops are irrigated with Gatorade, because Gatorade has electrolytes (which must be good) -- is spot-on. The only inaccuracy is that I don't believe it will take anywhere near 500 years for people to reach the level of stupidity and baseness that the movie portrays.

Mind you, I'm not suggesting that there is a correlation between cell phone use and intelligence. Phones are useful tools. Although I've never used mine for Internet or email, I do actually use it to text and -- gasp -- CALL people. I just don't understand the obsession. Of course most readers probably don't understand my obsession with certain guitars and English tie-makers, either, but this is my blog so I get to play judge.

I do strongly believe that instant access / instant gratification will hasten the Death of Society ... perhaps even more quickly than (the Death of) Fashion. College students can't do math anymore because computers can do it for them. College students can't spell anymore because computers can do it for them. College students can't be bothered to do research beyond the first three hits that Google provides, because the computer clearly knows exactly what they are thinking / needing to know about. Seriously, why bother learning anything at all when it's either done for you automatically or you can find it online in 10 seconds?

Generally speaking, ease breeds laziness. And I'm pretty sure laziness doesn't lead to societal advance. But I feel like that probably is a rant best left for another day.

Peace,
Mike