If I could erase a single invention in the entire history of mankind, it would not be nuclear weapons. It would not be taxes. It would not even be Autotune. It would be the cell phone.
I say this without even a whiff of hyperbole.
Ok ... so maybe I haven't had 273 public rants about cell phones. I've only blogged about it once, I believe (you may find that entry here). But I talk about it all the time and I'm sure my family gets tired of it. That being said, because you aren't my family you aren't hearing about it quite as often. So I now offer three recent examples of individuals who should be bound and gagged and forced to listen to unskilled but supremely confident banjo players for all eternity.
Example 1
Hollis is in the San Antonio Children's Chorus. They practice for 90 minutes every Tuesday evening. Last night when I went to pick him up, there were probably 15 parents sitting on benches in the hallway outside the practice room. Every. Single. Person. Was glued to his or her mobile device, tapping away or reading, presumably, about the Secrets of the Universe. The best part, though, is that while I was standing there, two other parents walked up to wait for their kids. Both of them (independently) sat down, looked to their left and right, saw what everybody else was doing, panicked, and pulled out their phones.
Are people really that terrified of just sitting and doing nothing for five minutes? Are they afraid it will look like they don't have any friends or aren't important or something? I honestly do not get it.
Example 2
Hunter has about ten billion (give or take seven) high school choir concerts during a given academic year. At one of these events in November, the junior choirs were to perform for the first half of the program and the senior choir was to perform for the second half of the program. The auditorium was packed, but usually with these things when there is an obvious break, there is a mass exodus of parents. After all, if your kid is in one of the junior choirs, you're probably not going to want to hang around for the last 45 minutes to watch the senior choir perform. I get that and am generally fine with it, although the more dignified approach obviously would be to sit there and be respectful and pretend to enjoy the rest of the show.
Anyway, right before the concert started, two parents (of different kids) sat down on my left. Both of them immediately pulled out their phones and quickly entered The Zone. I figured they were just waiting for the senior choir to perform, but both of them got up and left after the junior choirs were finished. Conclusion? Both of these people had kids in the junior choirs, but I don't think they looked up from their phones once while their kids were singing. They clapped obediently when other people clapped, but immediately went back to more important things. Were these people as annoying as the parents at the other end of the spectrum, who jump up and down and wave from the back of a dark auditorium when Johnny (or Sally) takes his (or her) place on the risers? Probably not. But it is close. And it is far less well-intentioned.
Example 3
Catholics do Communion. It is my impression that they do it at every Mass. Baptists do something similar (generally referred to as The Lord's Supper) but they don't do it every week. At our church, we do it once a month. This past Sunday, we observed The Lord's Supper in the evening service. In between the body and the blood, the 30-something guy sitting in the row in front of me (but to my right, so that I could clearly see what was going on) pulled out his phone and started swiping through stuff.
Yes ... during The Lord's Supper.
And yes, once he did his grape juice shot, he continued browsing.
What on earth could be important enough to justify this behavior? If one is (a) Baptist and (b) observing The Lord's Supper in a Baptist church, one presumably knows that this is one of the relatively few times in which reverence is actually maintained in the modern church. This is supposed to be a time of serious reflection. Of taking stock. Not of checking Huffington Post and ESPN.com.
In Conclusion
I've said it before and I'll say it again ... if you haven't watched Idiocracy, you need to. It is crude and vulgar and profane and it was panned by critics, but its vision of the future of America -- an America where crops are irrigated with Gatorade, because Gatorade has electrolytes (which must be good) -- is spot-on. The only inaccuracy is that I don't believe it will take anywhere near 500 years for people to reach the level of stupidity and baseness that the movie portrays.
Mind you, I'm not suggesting that there is a correlation between cell phone use and intelligence. Phones are useful tools. Although I've never used mine for Internet or email, I do actually use it to text and -- gasp -- CALL people. I just don't understand the obsession. Of course most readers probably don't understand my obsession with certain guitars and English tie-makers, either, but this is my blog so I get to play judge.
I do strongly believe that instant access / instant gratification will hasten the Death of Society ... perhaps even more quickly than (the Death of) Fashion. College students can't do math anymore because computers can do it for them. College students can't spell anymore because computers can do it for them. College students can't be bothered to do research beyond the first three hits that Google provides, because the computer clearly knows exactly what they are thinking / needing to know about. Seriously, why bother learning anything at all when it's either done for you automatically or you can find it online in 10 seconds?
Generally speaking, ease breeds laziness. And I'm pretty sure laziness doesn't lead to societal advance. But I feel like that probably is a rant best left for another day.
Peace,
Mike
