Lunchtime Chatter

Today Hollis and I went to lunch together after church. He was in rare form. Actually I don’t think I’ve ever seen him like this before. I suspect it’s because during our usual family mealtime events, he has no chance. He’s just too small and nowhere near fast / obnoxious enough. When you get him alone and he’s in the right frame of mind, though, he can be pretty entertaining.

(Editor’s Note: Alison is a ridiculously cute / adorable / absolutely fantastic little girl who was in Hollis’ Kindergarten class and who is also in his First Grade class.)

Hollis: I like Alison.

Me: Duh. What six year-old WOULDN’T like Alison. Why do you like her?

Hollis: She’s preeeeeeeeeeetty .... pause .... And she has BLONDE HAIR!!! And she talks a lot!

Me: Are you gonna marry her?

Hollis: I don’t know.

Me: Can she cook? What if she can’t cook?

Hollis: I don’t care. We can eat pizza every day. (Editor’s Note: This is not too far from how things operate at our house, since Dad is the cook -- when anybody cooks, which isn’t that often -- and pizza is eaten at least twice a week.)

Me: Good point.

Hollis: I hope the Easter Bunny does a better job of hiding eggs than the people at church did yesterday.

Me: ..... ????? OK ... yeah, I suspect he/she will. You didn’t much like how they were just put out there in the hallways, huh?

Hollis: No. That was lame. I think the Easter Bunny probably is more like in Stealth Mode.

Me: Stealth Mode?

Hollis: Yeah, like you know those Army airplanes that fly around like this (insert what presumably is the Universal Two-Handed Signal for Stealth Mode Flying).

Me: Oh yeah.

Hollis: Close your eyes.

Me: What?

Hollis: Close ... your ... eyes.

Me: OK, fine ... (sitting there with eyes closed for 5-6 seconds)

Hollis: See, that was me in Stealth Mode.

Me: Cool.

Hollis: Imagine if you had a house where nobody hugged each other for a whole year.

Me: ..... ????? ... um, OK.

Hollis: That would be weird, huh?

Me: Yeah I guess it would.

Hollis: Like that would be sorta how it is with Reagan. Reagan doesn’t really hug many people.

Me: Yeah, well Reagan is a super-nice guy but he’s not really a hugger.

Hollis: Or maybe people just don’t want to hug Reagan.

Me: Why?

Hollis: You know. His socks. I can smell them all the way down the hall in my room.

Me: (laughing) ... Good point.

Hollis: They’re totally disgusting. Like they could scare off skunks.

Me: Do you think they could put Alison in Stealth Mode?

Hollis: No. Nothing is that powerful. 

Me: Seriously?

Hollis: Yeah. Alison’s mom said she couldn’t win the Quiet Game if it just lasted three seconds.

Consider this the first entry in the Wedding Album ...