Fun With Naked Dolls

As I’ve mentioned before, Paige has an email distribution list that she has used to keep people apprised of “kid stuff” for years. Here’s her entry from a couple days ago. And let the record show that, as in real life, I have a very strong preference for Miss Brunette.

Last night I was giving Hollis a bath. He had asked if he could play in the tub for a while (as opposed to the drive-by baths he gets many times at the end of long days).  I told him that he could play in the tub for a good long while.  I ran the water, and as he was getting in he asked if he could have some people.  Now, people means dolls. I am not particularly hung up on whether he has Barbie or Bratz (super slutty looking dolls) or My Scene to play with, but I started to worry a little at first.  All of the dolls are naked, and some of them have a less than optimal number of limbs or perhaps less than 100% of the existing limbs. He said, "oh, let's have a contest!"  He was taking each doll and putting her under the water and swishing her around.  Then he was pulling her out of the water so that her hair was smooth, and he was saying, "OK, now, let me smooth your hair."  Then he said, "OK, which one is the prettiest?" 

At this point I am thinking........  Maybe, just maybe giving him Hadley's "My Little Pony" castle with all of the "My Little Ponies" was not such a great call.  And maybe, just maybe letting Hadley dress him up and force him to play the female part in a number of plays was not a great idea.

But then we continued with our game.  He asked me to rate the brunette doll. 

Mom:  What is the scale, like what is the highest number?

Hollis:  Ten billion

Mom:  Let's go with an easier scale like one to ten, with ten being the highest.

Hollis: How about 100?

Mom: Sure.

Hollis:  Ok, rate Miss Brunette and also Miss Blonde.

Mom:  Well, I think that the hair on Miss Brunette is probably an 85 and Miss Blonde is like an 80.

Hollis:  WHAT?  Are you kidding me?

Mom:  No, why?  How would you rate Miss Brunette?

Hollis:  Maybe, a 20.

Mom:  Really?  Out of 100?  What about Miss Blonde?

Hollis: 100, of course, ohhhhhhhh (picture a far away look in his eye and borderline drooling) she is sooooooooooooo pretty.

Mom:  Yes, she is.  I take it that you like Blondes (I ask with a sense of relief at this ever so hetero response to the doll)?

Hollis:  Oh, yes. 

Mom:  Are there any blondes in your class?  Like Allison?  She's a blonde.  Is she cute?

Hollis:  Yes, she is.  Pause.......... But not like THESE girls.  These girls are sooooooooooo, ahhhhhhhhhh, man, pretty.  So, let's see how well they can fight!!!!!!!!!!

After a bit of fighting between naked Miss Brunette and naked Miss Blonde (with Miss Blonde winning of course)..........

Holllis: Hey, Mom, is there a guy in the drawer over there?  He has one leg.

Mom:  Yes here you go.

He then had Miss Blonde making eyes at One Leg Guy. 

Hollis as One Leg Man: Oh, come away with me across the sea!

Hollis as Miss Blonde: (in a higher voice) Oh, you are so good with poetry.

Hollis as One Leg Man: Thanks, I practice.

My concern over Hollis being interested playing with "people" was outweighed by the fact that he was finding naked Barbie-looking dolls to be ever so attractive.  I do see some Jell-O wrestling and some major rejection over poor pick-up lines in his future.