Why I Love Main Campus

Back in July, it occurred to me that despite the fact that I have been on the faculty of a major university since 1994, I have never once taken advantage of the situation where “additional learning” is concerned. Stunned by this realization, I decided that I would sit in on a Literature class during the fall semester. The course I chose is ENGL 231, which basically surveys British literature from the Middle Ages through the beginning of the Renaissance. Y’know, Beowulf ... Sir Gawain ... Chaucer ... very solid stuff.

An unexpected benefit of taking this class is that I’m forced to leave West Campus three days a week and walk over to Main Campus around lunchtime. It breaks up my day nicely and lets me see lots of things that you just don’t see in Wehner High. Don’t get me wrong ... I absolutely love my PPA students. But would five of them wear shirts spelling out “HOWDY”? Doubtful. Would they come to class with green hair? Um, no.  If they were packed into a room where the professor was constantly tossing out questions related to what, for example, the closing passage of Sir Gawain and the Green Knight really says about chivalric code and knights’ quest for perfection, would over half of them be clamoring for air time? No. My PPA students would be absolutely comatose. And again, I’m not complaining. Not remotely. My own classes are  very interactive and a lot of fun, and my students are, by far, the best thing about my job. I wouldn’t change a thing about them. My point is just that Main Campus is verrrrrrrrrry different from West Campus.

Take the guy who sits behind me -- super-gregarious, bald with a beard, hilarious, didn’t go to college for a few years after high school ... drove golf carts for people and worked as a security guard for an art museum ... then went to a community college for a year or so, then spent a semester at North Texas ... now he’s at A&M and has more-or-less figured out what he wants to do with his life. OK, sort of. No clue how old he is. Maybe 25?? These people simply do not exist in Wehner High. Or if they do, they’re not PPA students. I think PPA students (the girls, anyway) are born with a financial calculator in one hand and a day-planner in the other.

Or take the girl who sits beside me. Actually I have no clue what her deal is, but she’s the source of a good story anyway. She apparently is in the same sorority that Chelsea (my TA) is in. So we’re trying to figure out who she is. I think she may be mute. OK, not really ... she’s probably just bummed that she drew the short straw on seating chart day and got stuck by the random old guy. I told Chelsea I’m going to start wearing Think Theta t-shirts to class every single day to totally max out the creeper factor. Paige says I should augment that outfit with tight, 1980s tennis shorts. White ones, of course.

A lot of other things are different on Main Campus as well. It’s not just how the students look -- it’s more the entire feel of the place. The classroom buildings are old and actually FEEL like classroom buildings (not Executive Centers like they do in Wehner High). There aren’t any college student evangelists on West Campus, but I’ve never been to Main Campus without hearing at least one guy making himself known in a very loud fashion. I’ve also never been almost killed by somebody on a bicycle on West Campus, but that happens two or three times every single time I venture to the Other Side. I also randomly see counselors from my Fish Camp just about every day I’m over there, despite the fact that there are less than 30 of them among close to 50,000 students on campus. 

As if all of the above-mentioned differences weren’t reason enough to go to Main Campus, at least once a week I see something that is truly amusing. This past week, for example, I was headed back to Wehner on a sidewalk that was totally empty. I entered the sidewalk from the right about 5 seconds behind a couple of girls who had entered from the left. One of them (let’s call her Rachel, because that was her name) saw me, and the other one (Kris) didn’t. Rachel was wearing jean shorts that most definitely would not pass Dress Code at Hadley’s middle school. People at Wehner High can be adventurous in their attire as well, but Rachel was taking things to an entirely different level. Rachel and Kris were talking with each other and were walking slowly, so I passed Rachel on the right. Kris still hadn’t seen me at that point, which is when the following interchange occurred ...

Kris -- Diggin’ that ass, Rachel

Rachel -- (laughing) ... Umm, pretty sure we’re not alone, Kris

Me -- (laughing)

Kris -- Oh wow

Me -- That was pretty solid, Kris

.... much laughing ...

Rachel -- Kris 1, Social Propriety 0

Me -- Indeed

Kris -- You have a good day, sir

And to answer your next question, “no” -- having long since reached middle-age, it no longer bothers me when people call me “sir”.  Funny, though, how my age stands out even when I’m Thinking Theta and wearing white 1980s tennis shorts.

OK, not really.

Peace,
Mike